Haiz...god..i know i did a lot of mistakes in life...might be sinful....haiz...too much problem added in my life...im tensed up....i look angry...but my heart is crying blood...i dunno y my life is a misery....everything is changing real quick...my mind is not ready....i dun have those fun life anymore..all i have is boredness....stress....sadness..misery......haiz....my head is really in pain.....problems are not only from her...from bands....frens....my future...my family(the most)........how am i gonna handle all this with two hands.....damn....seriously....im crying deep in my heart.....people just dun understand my life...neither do i...i wanna have those enjoyable life...everyone happy...i tried my best to make each and every part of my life happy,,,my frens...her...my family...i want all of them to be happy...but behind all this...its just another dark world...behind every smile there is a tear...and i smile often....im happy just to see all other ppl happy...but....me...sitting here...no one knows.....only God knows....

haiz....to Maan....:bro...let me know if u nid some help.....ill do my best to help...i know im not around these few weeks.....i hope u can take care of ur family n urself...remember....love ur family more than ur fren.....

To U...u know who u are:pls...dun add difficulties in me pls....bout just a small matter.....but..nvm..leave it...i will follow u k....ill spend my time with u....ok?just dun say im forcing myself or wat....all i knw....please be a bit flexible with me...i luv u too much to lose u.....

If my band reads dis...or who ever knows wats happening in my band....u guys can help me out rite by telling them dis situation..
To band: i never wanna seperate from Iron Child...i luv IC so much...im missing from u guys bcoz of some problems in my life which can totally change everything...i need u to understand my situation...i have to balance everything well...new things come in my life...i have to learn to balance them...give me time aite guys....i miss jamming with Iron Child...the band that make me realize i can play bass......

haiz....just saying my heart out....dun think u read dis n say u understand me.....there is more behind all this....my life hurts....my mum is sick...dad is sick...sis gonna have exams real soon....got no house to live in after dis few months...dad is working like fuck everyday....mum is doing her best to keep us together...sis is trying her hard for her PSLE....

WAT BOUT ME....SLACKING....THINKING BOUT OTHER STUFF.....SPENDING DAD's MONEY??????HAVE TO BALANCE BETWEEN FRENS N MY GAL.....im tired...all i know....i will achieve to balance all dis things....i will do my best....just wish all of those i care will be happy.....having bad pain in my head now...nvm....i got to be strong...I LUV MY FAMILY,MY SYG,MY BLOOD BROS,MY BAND......without dis...im dead....balancing all these and a few more is not an easy task...even adults sometimes cant do it...and..im only 19...with hardly any easy life...

Strumming away my misery...
Scaling through bitterness in life...

God help me....did i make a mistake in the path i choose...im sure there is a reason behind all of this...seems like the challenge u gave is getting bigger..more deeply hurting....im doin my best to endure all this obstacles in my life...if this is some of the minor punishment for my sins...den....the real punishment would be unbearable....i hope god will show me the way to the right path in life....to overcome fear...withstand all the pains....and not to regret on wat kind of life have i chosen...i just want all my frens n family to be happy and safe...i dun wish to hurt others....but if others hurt or destroy them...then i'll kill....but...i'll try my best to keep my frens n family safe in peace.......especially my loved ones.....dun want anything to hurt them...i guess i live to make people smile in my life....but...i did hurt many...felt sorry for dat...people are hurting me now....for some reason or another....haiz...pls give me back my strength to fight back all of these misery....i dun wanna live in darkness again.....those little challenges given in my life are already a painful history...i just need the strength for much bigger challenges up ahead........i dun want the word misery to come back in my life......i will do my best to help dis family of mine....and do my best to help and cherish all those close to my heart....u ppl know who u are...Sori to all i've hurt....those who have hurt me...just be prepared aite.....

Strumming away my misery...
Scaling through bitterness in life...

Slept late to create dis one....hope u like it..listen to the song ok....must listen n watch....if cannot listen den dun watch...heee

2 months...........i dunno wats gonna happen in the future........planned....but will it go as planned....leave it to the Only One to decide.....the only question...will i still be with u.....lets just pray n hope we stand strong....bout the past...i hate it....i hate ur past....and i hate mine....the reason why i always change my blog is dis.....i dun want to read about the past....i dun want the past to be written....the nice one maybe yes....the bad ones.....fuck em off....i open ur blog...the fen 08....just to test my fear...heart pain....hahaha...i know my heart will bleed to see ur past....but u know me...im daring enough to open and look at ur pic with ur wonderful ex...sori..."wonderful"....all this things i dared to do is only for me to face reality...not to make u sad or smth....but its for me to face it and overcome it....it will hurt...but dis will teach me to be strong as time pass by....it hurts when i got to know bout ur past....really....i did said i dun mind ur past....i dun....but...it haunts me for some reason...i now ur exs....most of them....from dat AMRI....until...DAT KHAIL....UNTIL DAT SAUFI....HAIKAL...HAZLI...sori if i got it wrong..but those are those which i think u said to me b4 or i know it myself...dis post is kinda daring...so...be strong ok....all these ex are just some cruel shits in the pasts which will haunt the present person...in this case...me...i dun wanna know bout them....but...sadly for us...we started off as frens...i know ur darkside...u know mine..it really haunts me like hell....in fact...i wanna kill those who have hurt u.....but..its the past...i have to face it....good or bad...its reality....the mission is simple...to stay strong and not let anyone interfere....i know i told u a girl contacted me after a long silence...rest assured...nothing gonna happen...dis is honesty....truth hurts....but if u overcome it...it cures with a strong comeback...sometimes when my mind is insane...i kept thinking....y did i take u when i know of ur past...infact...i hate the zylaa last time..even though u are nice to me...i hate u for ur attitude.....i hate u of ur group of frens...but the reason is...I love u of ur attitude towards me...the love is too strong for me to hate u....i love the way u care for me.....if i have the power to erase...i would erase anything before 1st Jan 09.....days before dis date is cruel...it makes me wanna hate u....but dun worry...love is much more stronger than hate...

Even i hate my past....wat i did to my ex...the way i talk to them...the way i treated them....it hurts to see me hurt other people...people are nice to me...but i fucked them off...sori for me being daring in this case...but...people like one of dis girl...izzi...a very soft type of person...caring..got me...a drunken asshole who dun give a shit bout her....and then tell her to fuck off...too bad...she was not dat strong as my bby dumb2...so...be it....this is one minor example of my past...
Rude...evil....bastard...fucked up kind of guy.....i might treat u that way last time rite??rite dumb2?? im sori....but...gd thing for u...u are strong...i respect u for that......u might be thinking...why the hell im talking bout the past...like i said..dis is a daring post...we have to be strong to face it..fight or flight...and also...u always think dat im gonna have someone else in my life....the truth is...yes...i do want another one in my life...but it is not a someone...it is a something...but...have to get my SPF first....u know wat thing is it rite..??hehe...those carbon fibre thingy...lol....
Main thing is....we are labled as 2 months....in fact..we have been understanding and learning to care for each other for more than 2 months....rite...is it 3?..no...4?....hmm...5?...6?....around there lar...think so...but i seriously wanna erase anything before Jan 09....it cuts too deep to heal in a short period of time..for me...might take like more than 10 years......im trying my best here to forget it....if it hurts me 10 years from now......and if our plans worked out 9 years from now....wat will happen on dat day 9 years down the road...so...better face it now before i struggle in the future....the only girl i want in my life is you..no one else...its u who helped me in those days...its u who understands me in those days...its u who cared bout me in those days...wat more can i ask for.....u got everything dat i ever wanted...the dream girl...maybe there is a little negative...but dis is human life rite...everyone is not perfect at all..

im sorry for not getting u anything or making a mark on the 2nd month.....cause for me...i believe...it is the heart dat counts..afterall...2 months is just another number added to the days we spent together....as an officially together kind of thing...ily...u know it rite?these three letters/words dun mean a thing if i said it for the sake of saying....its like me scaling though my guitar...have to have the feel den its so called meaningful...get it??lol.....ily bby....


turn out to be kinda big.....

Strumming away my misery...
Scaling through bitterness in life...

Buat laki2 cair siot..................

Strumming away my misery...
Scaling through bitterness in life...

ok.....long time no blog...hahaha....ages i think nvr blog...hahaa...watever....

went off to Melaka on thurs nite...again.....lol....thought of meeting wandi...but in the end...kena paitau....he n kak nor nvr go...so i was like...damnit...less geng members..lol..went to nenek house...become so called human directory when the van came....then proceed bck to TWL to take my family..den to BB to meet the rest..so...only cousin dat is in the same geng is kak las...nvm..at least better than nothing...at BB met abg apis RR there...told me to get shades for him....okok..talk2..den..off to mlaysia....1st thing i do in the van when reach mlaysia highway....SLEEP....

when reached the house.....go to my room....suppose the room is only for bujang and the unmarried..but my other uncle n dad came in...slept at my bed n my uncle rock bed...sot jer gua kene tido luar atas kerusi kayu....

woke up the next day....slack2...play com.....den play guitar.......watch videos...smoke machine....den at arnd 3.....suppose to have kenduri....but....i help them lay one carpet....den off to bed...which i didnt woke up until 6....the kenduri ended without me knowing it started....hahahhaha.....sial aku....den...at night....talk shit...play cs...lepak...hang arnd...cause the next day is outing day...

kk...nxt day..woke up....karaoke....and karaoke...and karaoke...while waiting for them to get ready n for the van to come...wait2...den karaoke2.....van came and off to Mahkota Parade.....punya sebelah...hahahaha....its better there...Mahkota parade sux to the core.....upon reaching....my family bought this marsmello with choc or something...i dunno lar...i only know to eat only mah....hahaha....den off to eat 1st....ordered mine...then...off to buy ice kachang...ice kachang already so long i have to wait...then come bck to my table and saw no food....sot jer...den only came 1 plate when we ordered 4....den come one more...which is the wrong order...nvm..my mum ate only...my dad one come...the dish sux...den mine still havent come....my dad went to them and ask.....den came bck....den go again to ask....by then....i burst out already....i went to them giving each of them a stare right in front of their face....i wanted to beat them up....my family called me bck...those fuckers were so lucky...my aunt calm me down...my dad...like father like son..ketawer biler aku nk sebat orng..sial...den the food came..sux to the core...so...

off to shopping....shop2....got a loudness shirt and a mesh cap.....also got dumb2 a bracelet handcrafted with her name...but dat one for display only ar....u wear ur problem ar....break den i dunno...bcoz of waiting dat bracelet...my parents told me dat they know wat is going on between me and dumb2....and they know my sis pakat with me...i only laughed...so now..everytime i wanna go out...they ask..."kluar ngn matair ko pe"...quite irritating lar...wat...got gf only can go out with her ar??clazy sia...like no lipe like tat one mah...haha....ended up...my entire family got to know bout dumb2...cause webcam with her....even my mum keep looking at the com when i webcam wih dumb2....hack care...gd dat they know lar...bck to topic....when reached home....adek bought dis ipin bolster...dammit..i want one...my mum dun buy for me...pilih kasih tol....haha...adek say she dunno wat to buy when shopping...but ended buying dis ladylike shirt dat cost 40+....cb....aku nk beli 20 ketol da pikiran...sardin dia belik mahal2...but the shirt is nice...so..ok lar...lantak ko lar dek..aku nyer bubblegum ko ngan mak ko kasi game...siakz..

reached home n karaoke again lar....sampai giler....den..i play cs....until everyone sleep except for me,uncle rock,dad,kak las,abg zain.....those 3 guys talk bout ns life..their ns life....konek siak my dad stories....dajal nk mampos......den heard a strage sound...which i dun wanna describe...ada lar bunyi.....den every one fell asleep...not me n kak las...we went to smoke in the toilet....kak las a pengecut...wanted to on the lights....bo cui lar siol....i told her to off...den...its me and her in a cubicle...wth...i cannot tahan...go out...leace her...walk around smoking in the dark....took some burger....walk2...like nobody business....hahaha..den sit outside with her and talk things.....

at 7 am.....i went to sleep..hahahahaa...woke up at 12....den lepak...chilling...eat...talk crap....play cs...again...hehehe...karaoke....den...i was only waiting for the time to go home...Singapore...weee......in the van when going back...i cannot tahan my eyes...sleeping all the way....met Paul Danial at machap after his performance with Papa rock ramli sarip at KL....den got bck in the van....sleep again...i was like so fkin tired..at immigration also...my eyes are half dead....sori dumb2...msg me i oso cannot layan....many things to carry...and..eyes are down....go home....settle my things for SPF interview the next day....my hp i oso dunno where......den...off to sleep....when laying down..head vibration...i dunno i put my hp at my com desk...da ngantok..blur lar....den dumb2 was like merajok.....hahaha....got misunderstanding there......den...ape2 lar....

SPF INTERVIEW!!!!....bopian...have to wake up 6 am...but then..interview at 9...assholes....say at 8 den got to know at 9.....went there....took like a lot of test...giler babi siak,.....after test..went to lunch.......came back....test again...essay writing....den...wait...arnd 60 ppl are there....den thought can go home already...they called out the names...and tell..ok..can go home...but for some..they told to sit outside n wait...so..maybe dat one they are shortlisted after the shortlisted...mcm american idol...top 20...hahaha....den my name called...wait outside...BAIK AR.....kene tunggu lagi braper jam nk asap.....haiz..
pass up documents.....body check.....i didnt declare my scar...cause dat scar is my name...haha...naseb lepas....den..wait...wait..wait...wait..wait....until cannot wait sia...den..final interview with ASP n all higher ranking...cb...a lot of qns sia....and me...being the only few who have not gone to ns being interview on dat day also...so..i was like...freaking nervous....talk shit in the room....haha...in the end...finish..heng ar....now..waiting for the letter........went to meet dumb2 after dat....amek kau..lamer tk jumper.....nazak sak aku kene bully.......

rite dumb2....always bully me....ass u....just hope i got dis job ok.....den will work hard to get my EVO...or..lancer at least....k lar...at least..swift...makin tron sak..hahaha...who cares...if got dis one..bbdc pon quit...lol...eh...cute right the cat yesterday...later i upload the vid of CHEMONG k.....ur stupid chemong....tapi u takot...kentalan......LIKE SO FKIN KERNTALZ....wakakakaka...nnt upload lar tu vid...kental...hehe....da2...nnt merajok lagi...susah aku....24-7 majok jer nie boncit...smack aru tau...hehe....kk....peace....sat me n u k??lol...

peace all

Strumming away my misery...
Scaling through bitterness in life...

weee.....got response from HTA....got shortlisted for SPF.....but...too bad...next week interview....and....PT test...damnit....i just got back from running.....with tikos....i can still go few more rounds....but...looking at him...headache already...nvm lar...tmr at 6am meeting him again...gonna run maybe to bukit batok...hahaha....

To dumb2....sori im going melaka again...but....wat to do...family....dun be sad ok...remember to eat..sleep....bathe....and pls3...take care of ourself....kluar jgn nk pegi tmpt2 yg i ban eh....dpt tau....u mati ar....ada mat2 nk knal2 kasi my number....nnt i reply kan ok??sroh dia knal2 ngan i dulu.....and...pls dun cry every day....if u do...i dunno wat wanna say....if i ns how....die sia....sabar k.....told u u have to be strong.......rite2??and go n get ur nitec cert!.......ily...

Strumming away my misery...
Scaling through bitterness in life...

Strumming away my misery...
Scaling through bitterness in life...

okok...update nie....update....................................leceh tol ar...

not gonna update much....too many probs to settle at home.....parents cant afford to pay dis house....have to get a small house...maybe 3 room....haiz....people already wanting dis house asap....den if sell it...we stay where?maybe at jurong..at nenek house...haiz....have to be apart from dumb2....apart from my peeps in teck whye....haiz...............so...results.....gpa..power ar....the best one ever...1.98...power eh...da tau nyer..tk dpt poly....so....really...tk dpt....so....i carry on and applied SPF..waiting for their reply...so...now...im slacking at home and making my balls grow bigger....i cant help it just to see my mum cried....my dad has been working like shit da and night....even if i did go poly.....it will be hard to pay the fees....for the mean time...i wanna find part time...but...fuck singapore...economy like shit...chinese always get it 1st....fuck u chinese....

haiz....many2 probs to settle.....IC doesnt know bout dis...but...maybe....i cant really commit to my own band...for the mean time...they just dont understand...even dat day meet jai oso he give a F face to me...i was like ...wtf is wrong wif u...crazy....u guys live easy....mom werking...dad werking...even they are werking...me? only my dad working..and its not enough.......the bank loan is still not settled.....haiz...stress....and...one more thing....bout band...im already sick n tired of playing gigs at pub/club....i wanna expose outside....not with the same people everytime in gigs...where can we go like dat....really..im sick of it...i want to expose to other shows.....not dis gigs only....

To dumb2.....if we have to stay far from each other....den....too bad lor...wat can i do...only to wait for the right time for me to own a car after my licence...the day will come aite....let me save up when i get a full time job.....if i were to stay at jurong...den....maybe i will be able to meet u often after work...but..there might be things dat we do now cannot be done then...nvm....just hope weekends are the same....if get SPF oso....weekends only im able to mit u....so...just wait and see aite.....just hope i get it....n...fuck poly....hehehehe......ok da...i da blog...hehhee...

Strumming away my misery...
Scaling through bitterness in life...